Hippie Lady Ideas


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Struggling To Find a Purpose?

Me too…

I struggle every day.  I haven’t so far been able to find my main purpose in life. I lost two people I love in the past three years or so.  One of these people had been with me my entire life and the other was my best friend since we were 12 years old.  Both of these people struggled in the same way as I.  I didn’t realize that until today.  My dad actually found his purpose late in life.  I thank God for that everyday.  He was an artist it turned out and a damn good one.

The other person died in bed alone, probably feeling like a failure.  We weren’t close in the end.  Two people who both struggle with depression don’t usually help each other very much and although we loved one another that love made it to where we could no longer look at each other or even talk.  It was too painful to watch and we couldn’t do anything for each other anymore.  We were and I am still emotionally crippled.

Recently I’ve come to realize how much not having a major life purpose is impacting my life.  The quality of my life is impacted and my happiness is suffering grotesquely because I feel like i’m floating aimlessly.  I don’t believe that a mere job will solve this severe depression that has come over me because of the lost empty feeling of having no purpose.

One thing I’d like to clarify; I know in this moment, that this is my personal demon.

The problem is, I am a people pleaser. I want my purpose to please the person I am in a relationship with.  I can’t handle a displeasing attitude around me.  It makes me question my ability, my intelligence, my purpose. When I don’t get full support in the form of interest and feedback I partially blame my partner when I back off what prior to the displeasing attitude I thought was MY PURPOSE.

Crazy?

My partner thinks nothing of it if I am displeased with his choices.  My partner had a purpose prior to meeting me.  I wonder sometimes if him knowing his purpose early in life makes him more independent and confident in all his choices.

Should he care more or should I care less?

If I think less of what he finds displeasing will I become more like him and possibly find my purpose?  Am I allowing my fear of others displeasing attitudes stifle my choices and my purpose in life?

How can I find happiness by disregarding my partner’s feelings and thoughts on something as relevant as a major life choice and purpose in life?

 

 

Hippie Lady Ideas

 

 


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Struggling To Find a Purpose?

Me too…

I struggle every day.  I haven’t so far been able to find my main purpose in life. I lost two people I love in the past three years or so.  One of these people had been with me my entire life and the other was my best friend since we were 12 years old.  Both of these people struggled in the same way as I.  I didn’t realize that until today.  My dad actually found his purpose late in life.  I thank God for that everyday.  He was an artist it turned out and a damn good one.

The other person died in bed alone, probably feeling like a failure.  We weren’t close in the end.  Two people who both struggle with depression don’t usually help each other very much and although we loved one another that love made it to where we could no longer look at each other or even talk.  It was too painful to watch and we couldn’t do anything for each other anymore.  We were and I am still emotionally crippled.

Recently I’ve come to realize how much not having a major life purpose is impacting my life.  The quality of my life is impacted and my happiness is suffering grotesquely because I feel like i’m floating aimlessly.  I don’t believe that a mere job will solve this severe depression that has come over me because of the lost empty feeling of having no purpose.

One thing I’d like to clarify; I know in this moment, that this is my personal demon.

The problem is, I am a people pleaser. I want my purpose to please the person I am in a relationship with.  I can’t handle a displeasing attitude around me.  It makes me question my ability, my intelligence, my purpose. When I don’t get full support in the form of interest and feedback I partially blame my partner when I back off what prior to the displeasing attitude I thought was MY PURPOSE.

Crazy?

My partner thinks nothing of it if I am displeased with his choices.  My partner had a purpose prior to meeting me.  I wonder sometimes if him knowing his purpose early in life makes him more independent and confident in all his choices.

Should he care more or should I care less?

If I think less of what he finds displeasing will I become more like him and possibly find my purpose?  Am I allowing my fear of others displeasing attitudes stifle my choices and my purpose in life?

How can I find happiness by disregarding my partner’s feelings and thoughts on something as relevant as a major life choice and purpose in life?

 

 

Hippie Lady Ideas

 

 


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Great music reblogged from America on Coffee

https://americaoncoffee.wordpress.com/2017/02/17/friends-french-and-fridays/

Emerson, Lake and Palmer is an English progressive rock band Emerson, Lake & Palmer, released as a double album in March 1977 on Atlantic Records. Following their successful 1974 world tour, the group took a break from recording and touring. They relocated to Montreux, Switzerland and Paris, France to record a new album. Each member […]

via C’est La Vie – sung by Emerson, Lake and Palmer — AMERICA ON COFFEE


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Nesting & Settling In

Reflections circa 1970’s/1980’s:

I grew up in a home where my mother made the best of what we had.  She was great at it. My mom could take an old rent house with or with out any help she would paint, clean and DIY it into a lovely home.  If we didn’t have the money to buy window coverings she would pull out the trusty sewing machine and make lovely custom curtains.

I love the environment I grew up in.  DIY was always the first choice and at times the only choice.  Recycling was a daily routine.  Not recycling like putting out bins for the city to pick up and carry off.  That type of recycling had not been invented yet.  Recycling like, nothing is thrown away without a thorough examination of whether that item could be used for something else.  No piece of clothing or any fabric was thrown away.  It was either passed down or cut up and turned into another piece of clothing or a blanket or curtain or pillow.  If we had no one to give it to or nothing to make with it, it was sent to Goodwill Industries.

My mom taught me the importance in reusing things, saving money, and how to sew among many, many other things.  My mom is my hero.  She always smiled and made the best out of every situation.

Flash forward to the present:

I’ve lived here in this big house for six years.  This house is not huge but it is the biggest home I’ve ever lived in much less owed.  I am just now creating a home.  For six years my house has been just a house.  I have not made it a home.  We have had a lot of turmoil and to top it off all the kids are now grown up and out on their own. Our youngest turned 18 and is eager and able to dive into his own life and bright future.  Empty nest is here.  It is now just the two of us and we have let the spare bedrooms sit as storage rooms for several years now.  I need to start settling in and nesting for this odd and quiet second half of our lives.  Where to start?

empty-nest

So far in January I have done the following:

I clean out both spare rooms completely giving away every item in those rooms I have not used in over a year or have no use for

I put a spare bed in one room for guests

I set up an area in one spare room for sewing and crafts

I sorted all my fabrics I have been storing to use and started and finished one quilt and some curtains

I sorted out and organized all my craft items and turned a hall closet into a craft closet

I turned one spare room walk in closet into a toy/play area for the grandchildren

I turned one spare room into a home office and the same rooms closet is now housing all my husbands and my hunting gear

I emptied the kitchen pantry, all cabinets and drawers, cleaned and organized them and got rid off all excess gadgets that were never used

I made living room drapes out of some fabric I had bought 12 years ago

I got all paperwork out, sorted through it and shredded half of it that was old and unnecessary

……………………………………………………………………………………………….

What’s going on here?!

I guess I’m finally nesting and settling in to the second half of our lives.  I am looking forward to a bright future and a home filled with love and grandchildren’s laughter.  I am also looking forward to all the quiet times where my husband and I can have places in our home to do those sewing projects (My awesome hubs sews with me. I call him my renaissance man), craft projects or just a place to pay the bills and balance the checkbook.

Empty nest syndrome is not going to get us down!  We have a big awesome home all to ourselves and we are going to use it to enjoy life, not as a museum and storage place for the past.

Hippie Lady

Peace and love to you on this beautiful day!

 

 

 

 


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I’m a Weirdo

I’m weird. I know this now. I had a milestone birthday a little over a month ago and I’ve been reflecting a lot. A WHOLE LOT. I spent a lot of my time (way too much) in the past having hurt feelings because not a lot of people “get” me. I only have a handful of close friends in my life. Most people that are my super close friends are like me. They don’t have a lot of close friends and the friends we have UNDERSTAND that we like a lot of quiet alone time. I get stressed doing what women do that are in my age group, societal class group or whatever boxes I fit into.

I’m “weird” I guess. I’ve had a lifetime of fighting off anxiety. It’s not that I don’t like large groups. It’s not that I hate bars, concerts, going to the state fair, parties, shopping in malls. It’s not that I don’t want to go get my nails done or do all the stuff girls do. I don’t have shitty fingernails and my house doesn’t look perfect because I’m a slob or have no fashion or decorating sense.

I suffer silently over here in my “weirdo” box.

I see lovely women who seem perfect to me. Their hair is perfect, their nails are painted to perfection complete with the latest holiday designs. I wanted to be just like that. Sometimes I still do.

I don’t do all these things because I am anxiety ridden. I can’t make decisions very well. I feel uncomfortable. I can’t even seem to hang all the pretty wall hangings or family photos in my home because I can’t decide where to put them and everything seems wrong when I try.

No one invites me anywhere very often because I have said no so many times I’m not even a bleep on the radar anymore.

I have lost many “friends” because they think I’m mad at them. I suppose because I don’t do all of the above mentioned or because I don’t invite them to do stuff. I just figure no one just wants to come over and watch history channel with me, make stupid Pinterest  crafts or just sit and blab about life.

Another thing I’ve noticed lately is this attitude from some that I need to be the one asking them to do stuff all the time.  I’ve had people mad at me asking how come I stopped asking them to come over and I’m thinking “I don’t recall you asking me over EVER.  Maybe I’m waiting on you to ask me. I assumed you didn’t like me.  I’m not one to beg people to hang with me. I know I’m weird but not stalker weird”.

To end this seemingly endless weirdo diatribe:

I’m weird. I accept that. It’s okay that I don’t look or fit into the “not a weirdo box”. If you meet a person that seems standoffish maybe they just have anxiety problems. Maybe they need help. You don’t have to help people like us but if you like us, try offering your help.

Helping someone you know with anxiety isn’t hard.  Gently push them to go do things with you. Something you know they enjoy. Maybe just call and ask them to come to your house instead of waiting on them to invite you over. If they say no then keep asking. Don’t write them off as weirdos because it’s lonely sometimes over here in this “weirdo box”.

Personally I’m getting comfortable. I’ll just sit here watching history channels and drag myself and my weirdo box to garage sales. I like my weirdo self finally. I just wish it hadn’t taken so long.

Hippie Lady 💜☮️


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#Pokemon can bring us Together #DontLaugh

I have had such a nice month of September so far.

Don’t rush to judge me. Hear me out first.

One of the reasons my month has been nice is because of…

Pokémon Go.

I never watched the cartoon Pokémon. My kids watched it and played with the cards. I bought them cards, but I didn’t know what they were doing with them.

Lots of kids collected trading cards.

To me, the new game meant nothing.  I briefly worried about the whole “the government is tracking people with this odd game”.

I have concluded that we are probably tracked with these phones anyway in ways we don’t even understand. If we aren’t, that’s great.  If we are, then my only recourse is shut off the phone or accept it.

For now I’ve accepted it because I have to. My family would probably have me locked up for being crazy if I unplug.

So in the meantime, myself, my husband and one of our sons are all playing Pokémon Go.

before Pokémon Go, we hardly spent any time together other than the occasional family dinner. We were busy or they were. He is married with two young children.

We all now meet two or three times a week at the parks around here and walk together and talk. A lot. We walked the track around the park for two miles last night!

My daughter in law doesn’t play the game and I’m not overly into it so we walk together and push the baby around. My son and his dad are playing, laughing, competing and walking all over the park. Mostly they walk behind us and veer off occasionally to find a Pokémon gym. But they are always within yelling distance so they can see us.

We are having family fun and exercisizing.

It’s a win-win situation.

Whatever it takes!

Hippie Lady 💜☮

P.S. I’m kind of hurting today. I may have over done it since I’m an amateur exerciser. 😩

P.S.S. Here are some pics I took in the park: 


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#OklahomaEarthquake #LightBearers are Needed

Earthquakes are rocking Oklahoma today. I wonder if the chain of events leading to this will ever truly be known.

Regardless of why they happen, light is needed.

People are scared and confused.
People want to blame other people. All people want to feel like they know that their theory is the correct theory.

Anger flares.

Everyone gets caught up in pointing fingers and saying “you are wrong”. Today I’m putting my finger down, getting humble and envisioning peace and love.

If a huge life changing event happens, I pray that everyone comes together to spread love and healing light.

I’m going to focus on sending healing light to our planet and to the hearts and minds of all people.

Hippie Lady 💜☮